“My Husband and I Could Go Many Weeks Without Sex ’ Says Toke Makinwa On Why Marriages Fail

You can never hear the last of this book, ‘On Becoming’ authored by OAP Toke Makinwa. Here are few lessons for couples whose marriages are failing.

Excerpts:

"I threw myself into my work, to distract myself. I’d never been one for domestic chores, and even now – especially now – I made no effort. I didn’t make my husband any meals because I didn’t think he deserved meals from me. I didn’t think he deserved my time. I knew that I couldn’t go on like this forever, but if the teething theory was correct and all newlyweds had to go through major challenges, then surely I could get through them too, right? I had withstood relationship challenges for over a decade, so what was a year or two?

But then we would fight, constantly, about the same issues that we’d had when we were dating. Maje would accuse me of holding on to the past because I was so suspicious of him. I didn’t have any proof but I knew his heart was somewhere else.

It felt like we were flat mates most of the time, strangers even, just sharing an apartment and bills. Our sex life was also affected. Each time we wanted to have sex, I would see flashes from the sex tape with Anita. And even when I made the effort to tempt him, maybe wear some sexy lingerie, he wasn’t into it. C, and I couldn’t help feeling that he was having his needs met elsewhere.

My work was also a point of contention between us as Maje would accuse me of being all about my work. But I didn’t change anything because at that point my work was all I derived joy from. He wasn’t as busy as I was because he had just set up his fitness business and it was still in the early stages.

Maje Ayida

Money was another source of tension for us, not because I was constantly demanding it, but for the opposite reason – I never asked Maje for anything. And when he didn’t have enough I covered our expenses. One piece of advice Big Daddy had given me was that money could cause a lot of issues in marriage, and that I should make sure I pulled my weight. Maje believed I

acted the way I did because he didn’t have as much money. But that was not the case. I was just so disappointed with every aspect of our marriage that I was not about to put myself in a position of financial vulnerability, on top of everything else. 

Our daily routine was disjointed. At the time I would be dressing up to go to work, Maje would just be going to be bed because he’d stayed up all night playing video games. By the time I got back, he’d just be waking up, and we’d both be on our laptops in our own separate worlds."