Even If Your Spouse Is Like Toke Makinwa’s, You Can Still Forgive Him

OAP Toke Makinwa, in her tell-all book, “On Becoming’  highlights the ‘bad bad’ things done to her by the estranged husband. Can she still forgive? Yes. True love forgives. Since to err is human, true love understands that forgiveness is divine. How to forgive infidelity:

1. Don’t rush your response
It might feel natural to finish the relationship as soon as you discover the infidelity, but do stop and take stock. Wait for your initial feelings of hurt and anger to be replaced by secondary responses – these will be more productive in the long term. Taking time to consider the contributory factors in any situation isn’t weak, it’s sensible and understanding the reasons will help you move forward.

2.Talk
You will feel an urge to obtain every piece of information about the affair, just to give your racing mind some peace, so talk about it with your partner. Discovering the details won’t help you but you will find comfort in talking to your partner about it.

3.Ask for what you need
If there are changes that will help you cope – moving into a separate bedroom, taking a holiday (alone or together), meeting the other person – then ask for them and do it early on. At the beginning, your partner’s guilt will make them amenable to your requests and they will try to help you as much as they can. Later on, they will prefer to try to “forget” what happened. So take a private moment to think of practical arrangements that feel comforting, and then state them.

4. Write it down
Keep a journal where you pour out every last feeling of hurt and distress, every question, every moment of anguish. Write it all down. Don’t reread what you write, just let it pour out. The simple act of writing is comforting Later on, you might want to ceremoniously destroy the journal as a symbol you have closed the chapter.

5. Find support
Talk to friends whose relationships survived an affair, or find online groups where people discuss the issue from their own experiences. Avoid close family or friends you will socialise with alongside your partner as knowing that everyone has heard every detail of the infidelity will make your partner feel uncomfortable in their company for many years.