Thursday 17 July 2014

BROKEN HEARTS CAN HEAL



This lady betrayed me
Dear Kemi,
I had lived with a lady for three years. She lost her father during the time we started the relationship and I catered for her needs. Even her mother knew about our affair and I was always giving her money, clothes and foodstuffs too. Since we lived off campus, she packed all her things back home after graduation. I discovered she was having an affair with a man. When I asked her mother, she feigned ignorance. My girlfriend refused telling me the truth but I knew she had gone for abortion more than six times! I am not sure if those pregnancies aborted were mine or not. I have not seen her for over two months, neither did she call me. I don’t know anything about her again. We are both waiting for our national youth service posting. What do I do?
P.O
Oyo State
You lived together for three years and should have expected some unwanted pregnancies and abortions. You have been a true friend and lover to this girl, even her mother. It is a pity you were discarded like a piece of rag but the best way to overcome this wrongdoing is to see them as human beings who can do anything. Moreover, I think you should make a call to her and discuss whatever hurts you have suffered. I am sure you will be able to decipher what went wrong and if you are still in love with each other, nothing stops you from starting all over again. To err is human and to forgive is divine. But if the girl has lost any feeling for you, the relationship could hit the rock.

I want to die!
Dear Kemi,
I have been married for four years and I have a daughter.  Recently, I discovered that my husband is dating a girl, who also lives in our compound. When I asked him, he could not deny it. Please advise me before I commit suicide.
M.I
Lagos.
If you commit suicide, then you have made an automatic entry for the girl into your home. Have you thought of your daughter? Since your husband has not denied it, I think you should not make a noise of the matter. Simply talk to your husband. Let him see the negative side of having an illicit affair in your vicinity— disrespect from neighbours, looming trouble from either the girl or her family, and then, your safety. I am sure your conduct is what will determine the actions he will take. Don’t go to that girl, never fight with her or abuse her because she could disgrace you.

My old husband is a womaniser
Dear Kemi,
My husband of many years is a womaniser. Recently, I discovered his sexual escapades to my consternation. We are both of the learned profession and we are grandparents. Am I to stop having sex with him in view of the recent knowledge of his multiple partnerships? I am still very sexually active but afraid of sexually transmitted diseases.
 O.O
Lagos
It is spiritually and socially unacceptable for a partner to deny the other of sex as long as they are married. Why not consult your family doctor and talk to him about your fears? He should be able to talk to your husband and let him realise the dangers of a grandfather hopping from one girl to the other. Don’t trade accusations now I think you have to introduce the use of condoms for a while.


 The baby isn’t mine
Dear Kemi,
I have been dating a lady for the past three years and she never had any guy except me. We had a misunderstanding that lasted for a month.  Though we settled it, she later told me that she was pregnant and was three weeks gone! Meanwhile, I understood that during the break in our affair, she was dating an Igbo man, who rejected the pregnancy. Moreover, I was told that my girlfriend discovered that the other man had a son and another woman was carrying a five-month-old pregnancy for him, so she decided to thrust the pregnancy on me. Now she wants to come back to me and I still love her. What do I do?
K.I
Abia

I am not clear on this but the decision is yours to make. Does she want you to claim paternity or has she aborted the pregnancy and wants to return to you? I don’t know what to suggest because you have already said you were the only man in her life for three years If she was so in love with you, a month break is too short to hop into another relationship So, when and how did she meet the Igbo lover? Mind you, if the Igbo lover did not have all these minuses, she would not have returned to you. Don’t you think she wants you as an alternative until she finds someone else? The ball is in your court.


She’s a single mother but…
Dear Kemi,
I am 31 years old and into relationship with a 21-year-old lady. I love her and we planned getting married. But she told me that she already had a baby boy for another man, who she was never married to. Now, people are advising me not to marry her because of her son. I love her and don’t know what to do.
E.I
Enugu
If you had a son outside marriage and a girl refuses to marry you due to this, how would you feel? If you love her and believe she would make a good wife for you, what stops you from marrying her? If I were you, I would tell those people that I want to marry the woman I love, even if she has 100 children!  To fall in love is also to accept flaws, share joy, sorrows and even be a pillar of support in times of need. She needs your encouragement now, don’t let her down.



SOULMATES



1. Sex/age/profession: Man, 31, employed
Other details: Nigeria, Yoruba, 5ft 8”, dark-complexioned, single, and a Christian
Spouse specification: Woman, educated, single, employed/business, a Christian, and age could be between 25-29 years
Contact: 08035900868, 08023934807, and 08055523737

2. Sex/age/profession:  Man 38, employed
Other details: Nigerian, Enugu, 5ft 87", single, fair-complexioned, a catholic and based in Lagos
Spouse Specification: Woman, Nigerian, south-east, fair complexioned, single graduate/employed/into business, a Christian and age could be between 27 - 36 years
Contact: 08116847550

3. Sex/age/profession: Woman, 30, employed
Other details: Nigerian, Ondo, 5ft, slim, dark-complexioned single, a Christian, and based in Lagos.
Spouse specification:
Man, Nigerian, a Christian, educated/employed, tall, single, responsible and age between 30-34 years.    Contact: 08052520098

4. Sex/age/profession: Man, 30, self-employed
Other details: Nigerian, Anambra, a Christian and based in Lagos
Spouse specification: Woman, south east, educated/employed, and age could be between 22-32 years
Contact: 07046071321

5. Sex/age/profession: Man, 33, employed
Other details: Nigerian, Osun, 5ft 7”, dark-complexioned, single, a Muslim, and based in Lagos
Spouse specification: Woman, Nigerian, south west, educated/employed, gorgeous and age could be between 24-33 years
Contact: 08175883714

6. Sex/age/profession: Man, 45, employed 
Other details: Nigerian, south west, medium built, a Christian, single and based in Lagos
 Spouse specification: Woman, Nigerian, south-west, beautiful, a Christian, educated/employed.  Age could be between30-38 years
Contact: 08037260024


7. Sex/age/profession: Man, 33, self-employed
Other details: Nigeria, south-south, 5ft 7”, a Christian, very romantic and caring
Spouse specification: Woman, Nigerian, educated, employed/into business, romantic and very caring. Age could be between 25-32
Contact: 08084587083 or email
pdonatus85@gmail.com

8. Sex/age/profession: Woman, 27, employed
Other details: Nigerian, south-east, fair-complexioned, a Christian, jovial and caring
Spouse specification: Man, Nigerian, educated/employed/into business, honest and responsible
Contact: 08090959276

9. Sex/age/profession: Woman, 30, employed
Other details: Nigerian, south-west, fair-complexioned, a Christian, single
Spouse specification: Man, Nigerian, educated/employed/into business, and age could be between 38-40 years
Contact: 07038198321

10. Sex/age/profession: Woman, 54, employed
Other details: Nigerian, south-west, a Christian and single
Spouse specification: Man, Nigerian, educated/employed/into business, and age could be between 65-70 years
Contact: 09098108560

SOULMATES



Sex/age/profession: Woman, 29, employed
Other details: Nigerian, Kwara, 5ft 6”, dark-complexioned, plump, single and a Christian
Spouse specification: Man, Nigerian, educated/employed/into business, a Christian, tall and age could be between 35-42 years
Contact: 08128195511

2. Sex/age/profession: Man, 54, into business
Other details: Nigerian, south-east, 5ft 6”, fair-complexioned, separated (no child) a Christian and based in Lagos
Spouse specification: Woman, Nigerian, 5ft 3”, educated/employed/into business, a Christian, tall and age could be between 36-43 years
Contact: 07065557964/08057002189


3. Sex/age/profession: Woman, 30, employed
Other details: Nigerian, south-west, dark-complexioned, busty, single, a Christian and based in Ibadan
Spouse specification: Man, Nigerian, educated/employed/into business, and age could be between 35-49 years
Contact: 08030660011


4. Sex/age/profession: Woman, 29, employed
Other details: Nigerian, south west, 5ft 6”, dark-complexioned, gentle, single and a Christian
Spouse specification: Man, Nigerian, educated/employed/into business, a Christian, and age could be between 40-55 years
Contact: 08168767924


5. Sex/age/profession: Woman, 30, employed
Other details: Nigerian, Abeokuta, 5ft 6”, dark-complexioned, homely, honest, single and a Christian
Spouse specification: Man, Nigerian, educated/employed/into business, a Christian, tall and age could be between 37-58 years
Contact: 08101735951


6. Sex/age/profession: Woman, 36, employed
Other details: Nigerian, Delta, 5ft 6”, fair-complexioned, single and a Christian
Spouse specification: Man, Nigerian, educated/employed/into business, a Christian, tall and age could be between 38-45 years
Contact: 08077884876

7. Sex/age/profession: Woman, 33, employed
Other details: Nigerian, Delta, average height, dark-complexioned, slim, single and a Christian
Spouse specification: Man, Nigerian, educated/employed/into business, a Christian, he should be based in Lagos and age could be between 35-42 years
Contact: 08028494474


8. Sex/age/profession: Woman, 50, employed
Other details: Nigerian, south-east, average height, fair-complexioned, single and a Christian
Spouse specification: Man, Nigerian, any tribe, educated/employed/into business, a Christian, a widower/divorcee and age could be between 60-70 years
Contact: 07012577410


9. Sex/age/profession: Woman, 32, employed
Other details: Nigerian, north central, 5ft 7”, dark-complexioned, genotype: AA, single and a Christian
Spouse specification: Man, Nigerian, any tribe, educated/employed/into business, single/widower, a Christian, and age could be between 32-45 years
Contact: 08079274140


10. Sex/age/profession: Man, 40, employed
Other details: Nigerian, south-south, 5ft 11”, handsome, single, a Christian and based in Ilorin
Spouse specification: Woman, Nigerian, educated/employed/into business, a Christian, and age could be between 22-35 years
Contact: 07015236044

BROKEN HEARTS CAN HEAL



Help! Religion breaks my affairs!
Dear Kemi,
I am 30, employed; a Moslem and I live with my parents. Whenever I fell in love with any man and planned getting married, my parents would not support due to religion or tribe. This was on for a while until two years ago when I met a man and we fell in love with each other. Initially, I was not serious because he was a Christian but he proposed. Now, my parents are against this affair and we both decided dating other persons but it didn’t work. We even consulted both Islamic and Christian clerics for a spiritual way out and we were told we had been ordained to get married. My parents are afraid that he would convert me to Christianity and forget them. I’ve promised them that I would not do that.
A. B.,
Kano.
Really, the stories of love are never complete without conquests of obstacles.  Get spiritual leaders who your parents respect well to talk to them over this matter. You can’t continue being a spinster under their roof because of tribe or religion. Religion should be a personal relationship with your creator and not what anyone imposes on you. This is a task your boyfriend must undertake with you.  He should meet with your parents and tell them you can be his wife and still practise Islam.

My wife hates sex

Dear Kemi,

I am 28 years old and just gained employment in the oil sector. Also, I got married last year and we have a nine-month-old baby boy. While dating, I loved my woman but after marriage she changed. She even complained that my demand for sex was too much. I love sex so much that I’m now planning to divorce her. She is not ready to change and I don’t want to be a polygamist. I am in pains emotionally and I masturbate to ease myself of sexual urge.  She does not welcome me passionately whenever I return from the office and I need a loving, romantic, caring, cheerful and sexy lady to replace her. Please help me out before I become unfaithful.

N.O,

Lagos.
The two of you don’t understand each other emotionally. Have you observed how she copes with house chores, nursing a baby coupled with her office assignment, if she is employed? That could make her irritable. I think you should be more patient and let her know that you care. You can also help with the baby and chores, especially during weekends. Also, your wife needs to be counselled by an elderly person, probably her mother on what matrimony is all about. Sex is as important as air. You are both very young and just starting a home, so learn to help overcome each other’s challenges.

He wants me as a second wife!

Dear KEmi,
I am 30 years old but single. I have been dating a married man, who has a child, for a year and a half. He has been catering for my needs and even my family. He showers me with love, gifts and I truly love him. Now, I am under pressure to get married but the problem is that no suitor is coming. I have had several broken relationships in the past but this man once took me to his village to meet his mother. Though, no formal introduction, he promised to see my family members very soon. They are also of the opinion that if he could rent a two-bedroom apartment for me, then he is more capable of running a polygamous home. They are asking that I bring him home for proper introduction. Or do I call off the affair for intending suitors to come? I don’t want to lose him. Some of my friends said I could be mocked for being a second wife, others shunned the idea but do I go ahead and marry him? Or will a bachelor come one day?
V.I
Abuja.
Even if he can afford to keep two homes, you should know that marriage entails more than money. What were his reasons for wanting another wife? What kind of mother does he have? You need to know all these because you could also face whatever his first wife faces now. If you are ready to be a second wife, you should know that more women, who had already gone to see his mother, are coming. To me, polygamy is not fanciful, no matter the money involved. Maybe some suitors are coming but you are so committed to this affair and what it offers you that you don’t even know when the right suitor comes. Already, your people have decided for you and obviously, you want to have him. Think before you leap.
I have been dumped
Dear Kemi,
I am 31years old and my fiancée travelled to the United Kingdom for her post-graduate and since then, she seldom calls me. I call her thrice weekly including week-end. The problem is that she does not return my calls and whenever I complained, she claimed to be very busy. I am beginning to get worried as we are planning to get married by December. I am very scared. Could it be that she is not interested anymore? What do I do?
P.L
Enugu.
There are two reasons for her action—she could be very busy to call or she could have lost interest in the relationship and would not know how to relay the message to you. I think you should ask her if she is still interested in marrying you or not. I am sure by the time you ask her certain questions, she would open up and let you know her stand. On the other hand, try and exercise patience and observe her preparations for the December wedding. How enthusiastic is she? Does she talk about it? When does she plan coming home? You have to be vigilant and ask many questions.
I don’t love him
Dear Kemi,
I am 23 years and dating a man of 31. He proposed to me but I am not in love with him. I kept to the relationship because I thought I could eventually fall in love with him but unfortunately, it gets worse everyday! He is nice and spoils me silly with gifts but my problem is that we do not connect. I am scared that if I lose him I might not find someone as caring as he is. Should I still go on ahead with him? Or do I wait for someone else? I feel that I have not been fair to him and I have not reciprocated his love.

U.L

Port-Harcourt

Marriage is about connecting. It is about fusing together emotionally, physically and spiritually. You are still young; don’t rush into any marriage out of pity or desperation. Why? You could rush out due to frustration and lack of fulfillment. Let him know how you feel and why you need to call off the affair.