BROKEN HEARTS CAN HEAL

 Dear Kemi,

He prefers a white woman!

I am 22 and I have been dating a 24-year-old man, who promised marrying me. The problem now is that he has married an American woman because he wants to travel abroad. Though the woman is not in Nigeria, she is 14 years older than him! Her daughter is also married.  I’m confused. Do I wait for him? Will he marry me?

O.P

Ibadan

 Marriage is a personal decision taken by individuals and I don’t want to advise whether you should marry him or not. Really, marrying a white woman, for him, is procuring automatic citizenship. He just wanted to meet a need but the risk is that he could get stuck with her and may not come back to you. On the other hand, he could still marry you and get to divorce the white woman after getting whatever made him marry her. Just express your fears to him and listen to what he has to say.

Who is Mr. Right?

Dear Kemi,

I’m 21 years old, an undergraduate and I have been dating a man from the secondary school. He was my first man but lately, my love diminished for him. This is because he would not play his role sexually, financially and in every aspect. Whenever I complained, his excuse was that he is an orphan. I’ve not asked for too much and I have never received the cheapest present from him. Rather, he prefers spending money on drinks with friends and
strangers. There was a time I asked him for money to make my hair and he said he was broke, only for me to discover that he took his female neighbour on a shopping spree! When I asked, he said the girl forced him to pay for a dress at the boutique! Meanwhile, I met a 28-year-old divorcee with two kids. He is caring
and satisfies me sexually, financially and even
spiritually because he is a pastor. He proposed but I’m afraid. He said his father wanted him to go back to his wife and not bring in any woman. What do I do?

E.E
Ibadan
Your first man is not only stingy; he is selfish and would never take care of you! If he is an orphan how come he could afford a dress for another girl? Please dump him! For
your divorcee, who is also a pastor, don’t bother
getting serious with him because his wife would still come back as long as his father supports the idea. You will end up the loser. Why do you believe you are the only one he satisfies sexually, spiritually and otherwise? A pastor sleeping with a spinster? Run for your dear life!
None of these men is suitable for you. At 21, you don’t have any problem, just face your studies and allow your heart be at peace till a better suitor comes.

My boyfriend has facial marks!

Dear Kemi,

I am 22 years old and I am dating a 25-year-old man. We are really in love, plan to marry each other but the problem is his face. He has marks! Though I still love him, my mother said she would never allow any of us to marry someone with facial mark. She threatened not to give her blessing to such a marriage. She believes that people with facial marks are local. She said her friends would even mock her. Though she has not seen my boyfriend, I don't know what to do and he is very eager to meet my parents, especially my mother. I've promised not to break his heart but do I call off the affair? I don’t think I would be happy with another man. I am in tears, help me!

B.O,

Lagos.

I am still trying to fathom what facial marks have got to do with success/failure. Even if it means being local, does that make a success/failure of a relationship? Your mother is just being vain and I hope she would not act as a hindrance to your joy. The ball is in your court and I think if you love him and plan to marry him, let him start coming to visit you at home! Forget your mother’s threats. By the time she sees you are serious with him, she would have a re-think. Stop hiding him, there is no big deal having facial marks!

This one wants to leave me too

Dear Kemi,

I was raped, got pregnant and I have a daughter now.  The man I met and loved so much is now in a hot romance with a female colleague who, he had earlier called a prostitute! He now addressed her as his fiancée! I know all these but I can’t leave him I have had and lost two men in a short time. Does this mean that I can’t have another man?  I am going insane but we still act as lovers! Help me!

Y.I

Ondo

To go insane because of a man is to lose everything you have ever lived for— your family, your career and your child. In any relationship, I have always believed that whatever is yours stays! Who says you can’t have yours when women older than you are getting married? You are the solution. How? Let go of the man and live your life. Be happy, socialise, drop this mindset that you can’t keep a man and don’t forget to pray for divine help. God does a perfect connection and can bring your man from any part of the world. He can make you happier than any of those men who left you. Moreover, that you were raped and had a baby afterwards must have had a psychological effect on you. Try and get over that and learn to love properly.

This girl is a thorn in the flesh!

Dear Kemi,

I am a 30 year-old-old man and I have been in a nine-month-old affair with a 26-year-old girl. Though I love her, I have never earned her trust—she sniffs through my phone like a police dog!  Also, she does not want to see me with other ladies. On the other hand, she keeps her male friends and keeps in touch with her former lovers! She gets angry at will even when I didn’t do any wrong.  Sometimes, she leaves my apartment angrily and would refuse picking my calls for many days. She would later call me and talk as if nothing happened. Whenever I change my attitude towards her, she would weep. I am confused and frustrated. What do I do?

 AA

Lagos.

Forget her tears, open up your heart and let her know how you feel. She cannot hold your life to ransom by her whims and I think you should let her realise you are not a moron! If she is keeping male friends and lovers, maybe it is high time you left her! If care is not taken, I am very sure that she will frustrate you with her attitudes. Really, she needs an iron hand and should not be pampered. Let her know your likes/dislikes and if she does not want to abide with certain rules, maybe you should take a walk.