BROKEN HEARTS CAN HEAL

She is my wife’s cousin, I want her

 Dear Kemi,

I am 43, happily married with two children to a wonderful woman. But the problem is her cousin, who has been staying with us for five years, since we had our first child.  I find her very attractive and about four years ago, my wife innocently permitted her to go with me to an all-night party which we attended together .There, we kissed and romanced and since then, I have made three attempts to sleep with her but she refused saying she does not want to hurt my wife. She does not like being alone with me anymore. Though I let her be most times, I desperately want to sleep with her and I see this as a quest I must accomplish. This thought has eaten deep into me and I have lost my relationship with God. Our family prayer time has suffered over this issue and now we don’t pray together again. I have tried to influence my wife in sending her cousin away and even told the girl to leave but there is nowhere to send her.  I don’t even have any concrete reasons for sending her away because we have been responsible for her education and she just finished from the university. She is 25 years old and I am thinking of forcing her so that I can get over this and get my life back. What do I do?

G.K

Lagos

This is lust and if you allow it to consume you, you are on the way to disgrace, which could turn scandalous and if probably a divorce from your wife if she gets to know. There is what is called self-control and as a family man, you should embrace it. What if you force her and she gets pregnant? What do you tell family members? Already, you have opened the door for the devil, and stopped family devotion. Even if you cannot send her away, you can control your desire. Moreover, stop any form of interaction with the girl and resume your initial role of uncle. It is when satanic forces want to attack a home that your kind of feeling occurs.

My man does not trust me

Dear Kemi,

I am 28, a single parent of a nine-year-old boy and I am dating a 41-year-old divorcee.  He is a Moslem, while I am a Christian but he does not trust me. What do I do?

D.S

Lagos

You must have done something which made the guy doubt your sincerity. What could that be? Remember he is a divorcee and must have had some nasty experiences with women. The ball is in your court and you have to realign your steps and make him know you can be trusted, the religion differences notwithstanding.

He hides me from his family

Dear Kemi,

 I am 21, and I have been dating a man who is 36 years old. Though caring whenever I am with him, he hides me from friends and family members. He is not married but he complains that I am not from his tribe. Recently, I noticed he is having an affair with his sales girl.

O.L

Abia

When you are in love with someone, you are ready to announce him/her to the world. You want to be seen with him/her, you want to be together always and nothing should make you hide him/her from your family and friends.  At 36, he should not be hiding a woman he claims to love from his family/friends. Are you sure he is not married? Or could there be a woman known to his family and friends? That you have noticed an affair between him and his sales girl is enough evidence of his unfaithfulness. Be careful!

My wife disobeys me

Dear Kemi,

I am 40, a civil servant and married to a 26-year-old beautician in 2006.  Our only son is two years old and she has refused to get pregnant despite my effort at making her comfortable. Though not educated, she is always disobedient, very secretive and selfish with her money. What can I do?

P.H

Ondo State

That you married her despite her lack of education means you are ready to take in all that she would do even when they seem stupid. I think you have to let her know what you can do when pushed to the wall. First, get her mother to talk to her on the good behaivours of a wife. Moreover, report to her father on her lack of interest for another child—he knows the implication and would warn his daughter. Lastly, don’t exchange words with her again. Allow her conscience be the judge. If after all these she refuses to change, then invite your parents and let them know what is happening.

I don’t love my husband

Dear Kemi,

 I am 32 years old, married with a child but not in love with my husband. I married him because I was pressurized by my family members and I had to obey them. Now, I have found the one I love. What do I do? I am confused.

B.B

Lagos

Obviously, you are not happy, which made you seek love outside your matrimonial home. Well, I cannot advise divorce. I think you should grow to love your husband since the marriage has produced a child and the man has not done you any wrong. Meanwhile, you have to be careful with your new found love because there is every tendency to get carried away by any ‘love’ gestures from another man outside your marriage when you are not happy. If you dare pack out to meet such a man, you could discover the love was a fluke! Why not stay put and allow your child grow up with his father? You have already paid the sacrifice for your family, why not do same for your child (ren)?

Her mother does not like me

Dear Kemi,

I am a young man of 26 dating a lady who is 28 years. Really, I have no problem with that because she really loves and respects me not minding the age difference. But her family, especially the mother, is totally against the relationship because of this. Should we defy them and go ahead with our relationship or break it up for the sake of peace?

Y.K

Okene, Kogi

The answer lies with her. If she truly loves you, she should be able to convince her mother on why you are the best guy for her. Any mother could raise the alarm on an issue like this but she could be calmed down with genuine reasons. Fortunately, she loves and respects you but you also need to act like a man. Don’t be jittery or cowed by her mother’s attitude, rather behave maturely and let the family know that you are quite responsible.