Zainab
Mai Pampo, was married to an oil magnate in the north, Abdulsamad. Now
separated, she delivers her experience of domestic violence suffered in the hands of
her husband:
People
stared me and no one wanted to say anything to me. People just stared. I ran as
far as I could. I had no destination, I was just running. I wanted to die and
end it all. I just wanted to be free of Abdul. So I kept running. I got to the
gate of a hospital and I fainted. Hours later, I was in a hospital bed, I had
lost my baby. I was devastated. I had lost my child because I wanted to
‘manage’ my husband, how foolish of me!
Abdul was a monster and that was the
honest truth. There was no managing a monster. He would continue to beat me and
he would eventually get away with it. The worst part was he would get away with
it. No one would blame him. Everybody would blame his wife for ‘provoking’ her
husband! Is it not foolish that the same man that seeks your pleasure at night
will beat you like an animal? And we accept it because we accept everything a
man does as right.
I
was in that hospital for 10 days and my husband did not show up. His mother
visited me on the 7th day and gave me my divorce letter. He had
issued one divorce.
He wrote:
“I
have divorced you one time, for refusing to come back to your matrimonial
despite leaving it without my permission. Notwithstanding, I am prepared to
take you back if you show remorse and ask for my forgiveness and that of my
mother.”
Wallahi
I almost laughed out loud when I read that last sentence. Can you imagine?
His
mother paid my hospital fees and gave me some money to board a vehicle back to
damaturu. I went back home and faced my parents. My parents also felt that I
was partly to blame for his violence. My mother still gave me lectures on how
to manage my husband. After about 8 months at home with no sign of Abdul or his
family, my parents eventually realised a lot of things. They started to agree
with me that Abdul was a monster, and finally they believed me. Till today
Abdul has not been able to face my parents.
I
still face all sorts of discrimination and demeaning comments from family
members because of my status as a divorcee. A Ce Na qi Zama in ci arziqi. What
is the use of arziqi (wealth) when you are in bondage? How is that a life? Just
imagine the way our people think.
I
still have my scars. Every day they remind me of how far I have become. They
say patience is a virtue but so also is courage.
I am grateful to Allah for
leading me out of that marriage, leaving that marriage was the ultimate relief.
If any woman is reading this and she is in that kind of situation, I just want
to use this medium to tell her that she has to save herself. By allowing a man
to beat you up at any slight provocation you are lessening yourself and your
worth. He will not respect you and he will not stop. It is better to be alive,
healthy and divorced than dying slowly as a punching bag.
Take
a look at my life now, I would have been able to complete my education by now.
I would have been a graduate. But because I thought leaving school would make
me a successful wife, now I am starting all over again. have I not cheated
myself? Why do we women always sacrifice so much to keep the peace and yet it
is not appreciated?
Thank
you for reading my story. I really hope it will touch a woman who is in the
shoes I used to be in somewhere. I hope it will touch our parents to start
investigating potential spouses for us. I wish our parents will give us
listening ears and not force us to stay in dangerous situations. I really hope
our parents will reflect on my story and stop this practice of tribalism in
marriage. A good person is a good person, regardless of tribe. I also hope it
will touch a wife beater somewhere to change his ways or seek help.
May God
help us all."
Concluded
Source: jaruma.net
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