HOW TO CURB LONELINESS

Help, I am lonely

Handling loneliness is like handling other life pressures. Here are experiences of some singles

 

Margaret, 34, is employed. She is able to afford a few luxuries to make her happy but she would tell you that: “I’m very lonely!” How true could her statement be? “I leave home early in the morning, close late, come back to an empty flat and I start life the next day. I have tried dating some guys but they are all committed one way or the other. I also attend church services, social functions and a few dates but there is nothing like having a home of yours where your husband and children are!  I have never been a rough single but just unfortunate to get myself in this mess. I eat, sleep, attend church, fall sick alone, treat myself alone, none to say sorry, talk more on the phone to friends and then dream of no man in particular! I have watched all the films in the world and even tired of watching them. What do I do?”

So is Ken. In his late 40s, he is still single. “I had an attack on my cardiac sometimes last year and almost died because there was nobody to help me at home. I cook, I wash, I sleep, watch television, visit friends and back to work. I have tried dating one or two ladies but we just did not click! I wanted to eat a local dish last week and had to call my younger sister to help send it down from her house! I am not a great cook and eat mostly from restaurants but I really want a fulfilled life where a woman is by my side to attend to my basic needs. Not sex, but companionship.”

Tai is divorced with two kids who are in the boarding school. “So you can imagine the loneliness when these kids are not home! There are times I would almost run mad! One day, I called my former husband and started raining curses on him. He is lucky to have found another woman and settled down in his third marriage! Not that men have not been coming; they get scared when they see my kids. I have a friend now (he is married) but I don’t want to be serious with him because that could affect his home. I know what that means to any woman and I would not be a party to that. It could be terribly lonely and I plan starting another life. But with who?

WHAT TO DO

Handling loneliness is like handling other life pressures. 

First, realise your state and don’t pretend it does not exist. Sex is not the only reason for relationship, why not get creatively engaged in one/two activities? 

Learn to explore your hobbies, be friendlier and never see anyone as responsible for your problem because everyone has a kettle of fish to deal with.

 Are the men not coming? Don’t panic, stay focused, be more prayerful and don’t give up. You could be one of the few last minute miracle receivers. Maybe what most singles don’t realise is that God does not reason like human beings. 

There is a purpose for that state you are and make sure you make the best use of it. If convenient, employ a match-maker or encourage such moves from friends/trusted relatives, who know other responsible singles elsewhere. 

Finally, dump pity-party, it adds to your sorrow and do all you can to remain happy.