BROKEN HEARTS CAN HEAL

I am poor, I can’t woo her

Dear Kemi,

I am 30, in love with a 28-year-old lady, who also works in the same office with me. She earns more than me and I find it difficult to approach her for an affair due to this. Though I have resigned from the company, we were quite friendly before I left and she also told me of a man she was dating. According to her, she is not too serious with him but I am scared talking to her. What do I do?

F.M

Lagos

Nothing should scare a man from walking up to any woman to ask her out as long as he is confident of his potential. Already, she has given you a go-ahead when she said she is not too serious with her current date. Let her know how you feel about her and you will be surprised she has been waiting for you to talk.

Help, I can’t get pregnant

Dear Kemi,

I have been married for three years but no children yet. My husband married me because his first wife could not bear him children. But since then, I have been pregnant and had three miscarriages. What could be responsible for this? I am tired and getting worried.

L.P

Ibadan

For him to have left his first wife and married you, it is obvious he desperately needs children, so I could imagine the tension in your home due to these miscarriages. On your part too, you have allowed fear, anxiety and a bit of desperation to set in. Anxiety is one of the major causes of fetal miscarriage. Relax! Don’t torture your mind with the thought that ‘someone is somewhere using diabolical means to stop your fertility.’ Moreover, get a good gynecologist, who will help monitor you and proffer advice whenever you get pregnant again. Lastly, there is the need to help your husband relax. He should know that he will have children when he is at peace with himself and God. Encourage him and help ease undue tension before he takes off to another woman in his bid to have children.

Can I marry him?

Dear Kemi,

I am 33 years old, still single but searching desperately because my younger sisters are all married. The problem is this man I am dating. He is asking for my hand in marriage but I don’t love him! He always asks for sex on the phone, he is an alcoholic, he depends on me for clothes and recharge cards and he talks as if he lacks sense. He asked my father to pick a date for our formal introduction but I stopped it because I don’t know him enough. His brother, who was my school-mate, was the one who introduced him to me. Though my parents are helping me concerning this issue, I am fast losing my sense over it. What do I do?

H.U

Ibadan

That you are desperately searching should never make you pick just anybody. Fortunately, he has exhibited all that could make you refuse his marriage proposal. You are so lucky that he did not pretend; neither did he hide his true personality from you. You need not to be told to leave him, or do you?  I don’t even see the reason why you should become so desperate for marriage just because your sisters are married. If you bow to societal pressure on marriage, you will make a wrong choice, which is one of the life’s greatest mistakes. Take your time to search well, pray to get a sincere and committed man and never marry anyone you don’t love!

Her mother hates me

Dear Kemi,

I am 32 and date a 23-year-old lady. I love her dearly and even plan marrying her but her mother is complaining about the age difference and even my tribe. Please help me, I am so totally confused.

P.I

Jos, Plateau State

There is no need for confusion because you can easily approach this older woman and explain to her why you want to marry her daughter. That you don’t speak the same language with them does not make you less human. Obviously, the difference in age is trivial and I know if you work well on the mother’s psyche, she will see you as the best man on earth. Take your time in doing this, instead of being confused.

She wants to ruin my home

Dear Kemi,

I have been married for eight years with a child. Last year, I discovered that my husband was dating one of his former secretaries. When I tried making him see the danger to our marriage and future, he was sorry for what he did and asked for forgiveness. I have discovered also that this lady cannot do without calling him or going to his office daily. What should I do?

M.M

Lagos.

The solution lies with your husband— he should let go of her finally! I cannot advise that you go to the office and confront her (that is shameful and could lead to embarrassment) neither will I say that you talk to her on the phone (she will abuse you) your husband stoked the fire, so he should put it off. He knows what to do that will stop the girl from coming to his office daily or calling him on the phone. You have succeeded in making him know the dangers inherent in extra-marital affairs, so take a step further and advise that he stops the girl from ruining his marriage. Mind you, never fight or quarrel with him over this, be gentle but firm in your approach.

I caught him with another woman

Dear Kemi,

I am a 28-year-old lady and I am having an affair with a 44-year-old divorcee who has five kids from two women. Though he is nice and easy-going, he cheated on me two years ago when my sister and I caught him with a girl in his bedroom! I have not been able to forgive him or forget about this incident despite the fact that he has been faithful to me since then. Moreover, my mother is putting lots of pressure on me to get married and this man is not ready for marriage but he has shown interest that he would marry me someday. What do I do because I am almost losing my mind?

E.S

Ibadan.

If at 44 years he is not ready for marriage, maybe you have to wait till he is 60 or 70 before he walks down the aisle with you. You said he will marry you someday, what date/time/year did he indicate? You said he has been faithful to you but he was caught with another girl. I still sense that he could be discreetly cheating on you and may not be ready for marriage. Already, he has five kids from two women and he could be satisfied sleeping with other single girls till he feels his home needs a woman. Investigate more on this man, ask your mother to give you time and I don’t think anything is worth losing one’s mind for, especially not in your kind of relationship.