BROKEN HEARTS CAN HEAL

My wife is mean

I am a medical doctor, while my wife is a qualified nurse/midwife, who works with the government. For a year, I denied myself the excesses of life by saving to start a business of our own —a medical diagnostic clinic. I need her full attention to help oversee it in order for me to complete the two Masters programmes I am running concurrently. She said she can only stop work if I buy her a car because she is also saving to buy one. She also said that she cannot risk losing her job for the business, and that it will still take time for it to succeed. But I can’t buy her a car in the next one year because I need to invest in the business and I can’t afford employing a manager, who will earn a fat salary. I offered paying her current salary yet she didn’t agree. I feel she does not want to sacrifice now and I am hurt. This is affecting my business focus. I have enough to feed my family with for a year, yet my wife is doubtful and does not want to join me in the profession. Do I pay her back in her own coin when I become successful in the business?

P.I

Imo State

Resigning from a job involves the act of weighing of gains, losses and life ever-after. Though your kind of business is lucrative and needs the help of a professional like your wife, you have to carefully convince her on what both of you stand to gain. Don’t take it hard on her or pick a quarrel with her over this. Even if you cannot buy her a car now, your approach to this issue and how you table everything before her will make her see more than a car. Don’t be hurt, I am sure if you work well on your wife, she will agree.

I love old men

I am 28 and would have been married but I keep falling in love with older men. Whenever I am dating a man, who is 10 years older than me and he proposes, my parents would refuse on the ground that he is older than me. The truth is that I feel more fulfilled with them. With an older man, I am not as stressed as when dating a young man. Currently, I am in a relationship with a 29-year-old man who complains about my weight always. Really, I am not a fat person as I weigh 55kg, but my tummy is not flat and my boyfriend keeps complaining to the extent that he went to register me at a gym! If he takes me out to eat, after every bite, he complains about my tummy and this depresses me. Do I quit? Or do I forget about young men because a lot of my friends are also complaining too.
A.R

Lagos

Age is irrelevant and marriage is simply living happily with a partner and weathering through life’s storms together based on same principles, beliefs and ideals.  It is sharing love physically, emotionally and connecting well spiritually. Maybe your parents have failed to realise that being 10 years older than you, as long as he is a bachelor, does not make him a ‘sugar daddy’. If he were married, I would have understood their concern but with a bachelor, you should be able to convince them that you are more comfortable with him than the man who is bothered about your weight. Date someone you are happy with and hide the man’s age from your parents. When you are happily settled as a wife, they can get to know the real age.

She thinks I am impotent

I am 27 and she is 24. We are both medical students and she thinks I am impotent just because I have refused to have sex with her. What do I do because I really love her?

K.K

Lagos

Let her understand your reasons for refusing to have sex. I appreciate your stand on pre-marital sex but there are times you must try and get intimate with her to convince her you are strong.  You can kiss, hug and let her know you are 100 per cent alright.

I love a widow

There is this lady I want to marry. She is 36, while I am 34. She lost her husband some years back and she has two kids. I love her dearly but I don’t know what to do.

H.O

Ogun State

No big deal, you can go ahead to propose to her but you need to know how to convince your parents/relatives on why you are marrying a widow with two children when you are not a father yet. If you are comfortable with her past, go ahead.

She is single mum, older than me

I am 24 and I date a 30-year-old lady, who is a single mother of one. I really love her and we have been on for two years.  Now, anytime I called her on phone, she would reject my calls but whenever I hid my caller identity, she picked the calls. Whenever I drew her attention to this, her excuse would be that she was sleeping or that she was busy and didn’t know when she rejected those calls. This occurred everyday and I wonder what I did wrong.

J.J

Lagos

Obviously, your lover is tired of you and wants you out but you have refused to see the handwriting on the wall. This could be a go-away sign but if you are still bent on dating her, then you need to examine the situation and talk to her.

He runs after other girls

I am 25 and I have been dating a man of 40 years for about nine years.  When I gained admission into the university, we had problems. Even now that I am a graduate, things are not better. While I was in my third year, he was engaged to a girl, who later disappointed him. I never knew this and he now proposed to me last year. He is fond of   running back to me whenever he has problems with any girl he dates. The worst was when I got pregnant last year and he asked that I aborted it. I want to call off this affair, please what do I do?

J.J

Abuja

He is a time waster. For a 40-year-old man to ask for an abortion depicts deceit. If you can cope without him, why not leave him and make yourself available to a better man? What if he walks down the aisle with another woman? Leave him now!