BROKEN HEARTS CAN HEAL

My fiancé asked me to marry his cousin

Dear Kemi,

I am 27 years and I have been dating this man for two years. Though we intend walking down the aisle, he came up with some funny tales lately. According to him, his parents disagreed with our wedding intentions. Not only that, he travelled to his hometown, got himself a wife and turned up one day at my door-step that he wanted his cousin to marry me! I knew he only came to mock me and I was hurt. In fact, I placed a curse on him and his future marriage on the altar of God. I am now scared of going into another relationship with any other man. What do I do?

P.O,

Aba.

What you should do? Well, you start by employing that same mouth to renounce whatever curse you placed on him and his future marriage. I am saying this because breakthrough and accurate healing of emotional hurts start with forgiveness. That he has decided to betray you and even mock you showed that he never loved you, so brace up and get over him. Moreover, when one in a hundred of men is bad, that does not make all men bad. There is no need been afraid of men because there are some men who admire you, so make yourself presentable and available.

I want to marry a girl my daughter’s age

Dear Kemi,

I am 48 years old and I have been a widower for 11 years and I decided to remain like that till my last kid, who is 17 years, graduates from the university. He is currently in the secondary school. I have fallen in love with my secretary who is of same age with my first daughter! Is this right? I would not want my daughter to bring a man of my age home for marriage. What do I do?

L.L

Ibadan, Oyo State.

You have refused to indicate neither your daughter nor your secretary’s age. Really, there is no specific age for falling in love but there is the need to reason like you have just done. If you are not comfortable with the idea, you can stop any plans with the lady. On the other hand, if the lady wants it that way and is ready to face all odds as a result of marrying an older man, then, you can go ahead and marry her. If you are both in love with each other, let your children know what is happening and prepare them psychologically for the change about to occur. I just pray that your daughter understands everything and I also hope your lover would behave maturely with your kids in case she marries you.

I’ve slept with over 1,000 prostitutes!

Dear Kemi,

I am 29 and can’t explain what is happening to me. From 2010 till date, I have slept with over 1,000 prostitutes! This is beyond me and the irony is that I just tested negative to HIV. I have fasted and prayed about this but no avail. This affects my finances and relationship with other girls. I need help, what do I do?

J.J

Lagos

Though there is the need for divine help, which you have already sought by fasting and praying, I think there is also the need for psychiatric help. Unfortunately, this society believes visiting a psychiatrist means suffering from mental disorder. It is not and you should consult one. On the other hand, you are lucky not to have contracted HIV/AIDS. Why not be disciplined and employ self-will in your sexual adventures? You can make up your mind not to sleep with prostitutes again. When coupled with your fasting and prayers, you will not succumb even when you are pressured and I am sure you will get result.

He is too short!

Dear Kemi,

I am a 25-year-old youth corp member and dating a 30-year-old man. He loves me, wants to marry me, but I am afraid of marriage due to bad memories. Moreover, the fact that I am taller than him makes me more scared. What do I do?

O.P

Abuja

So, what has height got to do with love? Persons in relationships tend to feel awkward towards their partners due to what people say. That he is shorter than you are is no problem but you are bothered by what people will say. On the other hand, bad memories abound everywhere and if we all think about it, there would be no relationships/friendships. I have always said that there is nothing as blissful as marrying a man who loves you. If at 25, there is a man who loves and cares for you, why not go for him? This is better than waiting endlessly for one Mr. Right, who is tall, handsome, ready-made but not willing to marry any girl who does not have a job. No single girl should toy with serious marriage proposals. If you love him and feel you can be comfortable with him as your husband, go for him, get married and ignore what friends will say. Mind you, if you remain single in the next five years, these are the people who will mock you. Act fast!

My wife can’t stand my family

Dear Kemi,

I was living with my parents when a lady got pregnant for me. Initially, I rejected her but my parents prevailed on me to accept her. I agreed but now, she does not want to see either my mother or my sister. My baby is over a year now and I was sacked from the office. I need help, what do I do?

K.Z

Lagos

You must take your stand as the head of your home and talk to your wife on why she must accept your mother and sister. No man is an island and she should learn to appreciate her in-laws, especially your mother. There are ways men go about such a situation and you have to apply wisdom not to offend any of the parties involved. Meanwhile, if getting a job has been difficult for you, why not seek self employment?