BROKEN HEARTS CAN HEAL

My girlfriend loses her virginity to another man!

Dear Kemi,

I dated a girl for about two years but all of a sudden, she changed her behaivour towards me. Whenever I asked what went wrong, she had excuses. I discovered she was no longer interested and I left her alone. Initially, she told me she was a virgin and we decided not have sex. She even promised me that if I don't meet her as a virgin I should do anything to her. Now, she wants me back and she told me she has lost her virginity to a man she dated after me. When I heard this, I was very sad but she asked for forgiveness. Though I still love her, I do not know if she will be faithful again.

F.F,

Lagos.

 Being faithful to a partner could also be sacrificial. If this lady could not sacrifice the pleasure of another man’s flesh for you, then, she is not worth your love. When a partner who claims to be a virgin brazenly sleeps with another guy, then these is the message—go to blazes! She must have been disappointed by that other guy and returned to you, knowing you would forgive her. I’m sure she would go to that guy again, if he appears on the scene. She could even get another lover and leave you at her convenience. I advise that you forgive her but don’t think of anything serious with her.

I slept with two sisters

Dear Kemi,

I am 27 years and I have fallen in love with two sisters. I have already had sex with both of them but the younger one later discovered, asking me to make a choice between the two. Though I chose the younger sister, the elder still calls me. What do I do?

O.S

Lagos

You are playing with fire! That you decided to fall in love with two sisters and even slept with them is not a responsible act. You were out to experiment but got your fingers burnt. I don’t believe you are in love with any of them, even if you are, I still sense trouble lurking somewhere for you. If I were you, I’d drop this idea of dating blood. You could end up in a big mess between these girls.

She is too stubborn

Dear Kemi,

I was dating a girl I loved and she also loved me. I have had serious dreams about her being my soul mate but there are some dangerous dreams which meant she is not mine. Recently, she picked up a quarrel with me and I don’t even know the reasons for it. She is proving tough to come back, how do I get her back? Should I still plan marrying her?

O.P

Aba

What do you think could be responsible for her actions? Why don’t you give her time to get over what annoyed her? Ignore her for some weeks and see her reaction. On the other hand, I think she could be involved with another man and picked up the quarrel to get you off her back. Don’t be surprised if she comes back to you again.

She calls me ‘uncle’

Dear Kemi,

I am 32, employed and in love with a 20-year-old lady. I really want to marry her and I believe she loves me too despite the fact that we are not dating. We are just friends and she addresses me as ‘uncle’. Am I too old for her? How will she receive my intentions whenever I approach her?

O.V

Lagos

As long as you don’t share blood ties as a family, I don’t see why you should be scared of approaching this lady. Meanwhile, you have observed some level of likeness from her and I think that is enough to make you hit the nail while it’s hot. You should devise a good way of making your intentions known to her before she gets distracted by some other guys. Addressing you as ‘uncle’ is a sign of respect and that would change immediately an intimate affair kicks off.

Help, my husband womanises a lot!

Dear Kemi,

I am 32, my husband is 45 and we got married six years ago. I am employed and at the same time a student. The problem is that my husband womanises a lot! Currently, he is said to have over six girlfriends. Whenever I ask him about the girls, he gets angry but I have chosen to keep my eyes on him. He has become so selfish, shops for himself alone and whenever I want some money from him, he refuses giving me despite his fat salary. My love for him dwindles daily and I am thinking of leaving him.

M.L

Ogun state

Handling a womanising spouse could be difficult and if care is not taken, you tend to hate him or even feel like quitting. But how does a wife help her husband? First, stop nagging concerning those girlfriends and never refer to them in any conversation at home. If possible, let him feel that you don’t know about his infidelity but constantly let him know that HIV/AIDS and other Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) exist and how a philandering man can contract them. It also requires lots of patience especially in a marriage which has produced children. That he is selfish is due to his ‘hangers on’ and he believes the woman at home can make do with anything, even if it takes using her money to cook for him! Don’t stop asking him to perform his responsibilities and if possible, let his parents (yours too) know what is happening. They can talk to him for a positive change.

I have bad in-laws

Dear Kemi,

I am married to a 33-year-old man but not had the formal wedding yet due to some spiritual instructions. There is this younger brother of his, a 30- year- old, jobless graduate of five years. Whenever he gets a job, he complains about the meager salary or distance and would prefer to stay at home to sleep, eat and chat with friends. To other members of the family, his lifestyle is normal. Whenever I am given money to cook or go to the market, he grumbles and nags.  He even says that I have no right to cook in that house! Recently, without his brother’s consent, he went ahead to bring their nephew to live with us. He even takes some of the foodstuff to his sisters. Whenever I complain to my husband, he says we should pray that his brother gets a job and leaves our home. What do I do?

P.L,

Abuja

 Your husband had said it all—pray he gets a job so that he leaves. Obviously, this young man is petty and ready to do everything to frustrate you out of his brother’s life. If I were you, I would leave him to his folly and allow him play all his cards and get tired. When he sees that no one is interested in fighting/quarrelling, he mellows down and thinks of his future because his friends will start getting married and those with jobs will drop him for more serious people. Continue to ignore his moves or his naggings and be happy in your home. You need patience for in-laws of his kind.