BROKEN HEALS CAN HEAL

He is a womaniser

I am 29 and have been married for two years to a 48-year-old man. We have a baby girl. Initially, I was warned by people around me not to marry this man because he was said to have been married to four wives and had two daughters. When I told my friend, she discarded it as words from detractors. By the time I was pregnant, I realised that he smoked heavily, drank a lot, was on drugs and he womanised. Whenever I complained to those around me, they would laugh and remind me of what I was told. There are times he became drunk and beat me up. My family has not been of help because my parents are late. I lost my mother last year and he could not give me money to travel and never contributed anything towards the burial. He has told me to take my baby to the real father and his sister supported him. Now, I want to leave because he has not paid my bride-price and could kill me one day.

K.K

Port-Harcourt

Since you just moved in with him and had a baby without proper marriage arrangement, he would not be bothered about your mother’s death and burial. If you feel strong about leaving him, please do. A violent man can send his partner to an early grave.  You can start life all over again, make arrangement with him on your daughter’s welfare and shun greed.

He is impotent but wants me

I am 23, dating a 25-year-old man, we are both in love with each other but he never talks about marriage, neither has he proposed to me. Meanwhile, there is another 41-year-old man, who wants to marry me. But he is poor, has one of his legs affected by polio and his hair has turned grey. To crown it all, he is impotent. He loves me dearly and wants to marry me.  As a matter of fact, he says he will die if I leave him. What do I do?

P.O

Lagos

Though I sympathise with your older lover, I don’t think it is wise that you marry him out of pity. Anyone can threaten to die if he/she is jilted, so don’t be moved by that.  If you marry him just because of what he said, I perceive a future of frustration and infidelity because you cannot live with a man who is impotent. Sex is an integral part of marriage and it should not be ignored. Aside that, there is need for physical attraction and that is also absent, what with the many adjectives used to describe him. Be careful and don’t desperately jump into marriage. At 23, you are still young and many opportunities of better men will still come your way.

I have sex with my cousin

I am in my 20s and for 12 years, I have been in a romantic affair with my cousin. Initially, I cried and fought against this but he said he had made enquiries and that there was no problem. I have never been comfortable with it but I loved it. Now, I am staying in his house but he had his lovers too. Anytime he is having sex with them, I feel jealous and almost have heart attacks. Everybody sees me as his cousin but I know we are also lovers. He would come to me after his lovers are gone and have sex.  My problem is I don’t know how to refuse because I love him. Now, he planned getting married to a girl and I like her.  Meanwhile, I have no man to marry me and I am dying slowly with pains in my heart. What should I do? I can’t go back to my parent’ because I would be asked many questions.

K.O

Benin

Though the deed had been done, I must say it is wrong to sleep with one’s cousin. The first step to stop sex with him is to leave his house, no matter the questions that will be asked. If you could tell and live a lie for 12 years, then you should know what to answer people on why you left.  It seems you are so deeply involved that you don’t have any other man in your life. He is getting married now and I am sure he will still come back to you whenever his wife denies him of sex or he wants a change of ‘taste’. Allow your cousin to enjoy his relationship and make room for a man to locate you for marriage.

Girls scare me

I am a man in my late 20s. The first time I fell in love was during my secondary school days and I cherished the girl so much. We both wished to stay together forever but things changed when we both left school. She was given admission to a polytechnic before me and I tried all my best to make the affair stand but she finally broke up from our three-year-old relationship. Now, I believe ladies are just the same with my childhood girlfriend and I dislike them. Recently, I am having emotional feelings towards a girl but I am afraid of what could happen to me. What if I am disappointed again?

L.L

Lagos.

 Forget the past and move on with your life. How can you hold on to memories of a failed childhood relationship when it is obvious the girl can’t come back to you? Life is all about ups, downs, successes, failures, good and evil. Need you dislike all ladies because you were disappointed by one? Erase the thought of disappointment from your mind and go for the girl. Being in love is risky but many still gun for it and have met the right people. All the best!