Friday, 13 June 2014

BROKEN HEARTS CAN HEAL



She sleeps with everybody!
Dear Kemi,
I met this girl in your December 2013, edition. Initially, distance was our challenge but we resolved that on January 13, 2014, when she visited me for the first time. We ended up in bed. I was stunned the next day when another suitor had her. Prior to our meeting, she had shared her dirty past with me on the three abortions she had. She said she was sleeping with her friend’s boyfriend and her room-mates in school. She sleeps with men, even those she comes across on the Internet. She can have sex anywhere including her parents’ house and shop. The worst was when she got a job in Lagos and had to put up at her uncle’s place. Vexed by her unrepentant character, I visited her there, messed her up and called it quit. Did I go too far?
O.B,
Ondo.
Yes, you did go too far. That she is unrepentant of her ways does not warrant you raping her. Obviously, you never loved her but wanted her body and not ready to help her. Meeting anyone (male or female) on this platform is not to have cheap sex or extort money from them. It is for two consenting adults to meet and make something worthwhile of their relationship with each other. She has a problem, which, if you are willing, could be resolved by your love. Go back, apologise and find a way to help her out.
Help! My husband hates me!
Dear Kemi,
I have been in a relationship for 11 years but we have been married for four years with three children.  I have never enjoyed marital bliss and everything became a nightmare when I had my first child. My husband calls me names in the presence of his friends and family members, to the extent that they don’t respect me. He beats me up whenever there is an argument and he does not take me or the children out. Whenever I go out with my friends; he refers to me as a lesbian! Now, I have started avoiding my friends. I have not received any gift from him neither does he kiss or hug me. I am thinking of leaving him but my mother disagreed because of my children.  I cannot bear it anymore. What do I do?
P.J
Lagos
I would not advise divorce because these issues are subject to changes as long as both of you are determined to build a peaceful home together. I know something went wrong somewhere because you did not say he was like that during your seven years of courtship. It is wrong for a husband to insult his wife before his relatives but don’t address it violently.  As a wife, learn to make peace; understand what he complains about and which areas he wants a change from you too. On the issue of spousal abuse, do all you can to avoid arguing with him. Doesn’t he have someone he respects that you can report him to? Please find out and see if that will work.
I can’t please my wife
Dear Kemi,
 I am 30 years old and married with two children. But my wife has never been happy since the first day of marriage. I have asked her what was wrong but she would not answer, rather, she would say she knew what she was doing. I have tried all I could to please her—cook if she was not back from her shop and  boost the business with over N500, 000— yet she is not happy with me. She is expecting our third child, yet she is not happy. What do I do?
M.L
Abuja
Then, open up to her parents if they can probe into her mind and tell you what is happening. On the other hand, there are some who suffer psychological trauma due to certain incidents. You have done all to please her and I think it is high time you knew what is actually happening.

 I love him but he’s poor
Dear Kemi,
I have been dating this man for over six months and he wants to marry me but my mother does not like him. Her complaints are that he is from Edo State and that he is not rich. What do I do because I love him?
K.P,
Osun
I think she should be made to realise that love is the most important factor in a union and not money or state of origin. What if the man gets rich in future? Or what has state of origin got to do with the future of a marriage? Don’t quarrel with her but let her know you are in love and not ready to leave him for these reasons.
I saw him in a vision
Dear Kemi,
I am 25 years old and a final-year undergraduate. I met this man through his sister, who is my friend. He is 27 years old and works in an oil company in Delta State. We became friends and after a while, I had a vision that he is my life partner. When I told him about this, he was so happy but replied that though he also wanted me, he would not give me an answer until he had prayed about it too. Later, I found out that he took me as a cheap girl, who was throwing herself at him! I had to send him a text message that I was no longer interested and he replied that he was happy at my decision and waited for it all this while. Really, I saw this vision, not that I lied, what do I do?
A.D,
Lagos
Since you had a vision that he was yours, maybe you should have exercised patience and not sent the text message. Moreover, I don’t think it was wise telling him about the vision. That was why he ended up seeing you as cheap. I know God is a God of order and definite instructions. He must have instructed you on how to go about the vision. You should have also prayed for God to show the same vision to the guy in order to avoid any confusion. Maybe you need to go back and really pray on what to do.

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