BROKEN HEARTS CAN HEAL

Help! My husband is too fat!

Dear Kemi,

I am a very slim lady, married but not enjoying the union because my man is too fat. He is adding weight daily and he was not like this when we got married. Moreover, I am unemployed and very lonely whenever he goes to work. I have searched for a job to no avail. Please what do I do?

K.L

Lagos.

You have to speak out and let him know how you feel about his new stature. If there are discomforts on your side as a result of his fatness, tell him in a loving manner and don’t pick a fight with him over this. On your jobless state, I believe that we can’t all be in paid employments.  There are many things you can do— catering, child-minding, trading in goods, laundry, etc. Just seek an area where you know you can fit in. Your apartment could serve as an after-school centre for children whose parents are working. This way, you will no longer be lonely and you will generate incomes as well. Just think well on what you can do.

She caused our childlessness

Dear Kemi,

I am 33, married to a lady of 29 years and we courted for seven years. We have been childless since we got married and recently she revealed to me that she had abortions twice for another person during our courtship! Though she had begged and asked for forgiveness, I am always disturbed whenever I remember. What do I do?

I.O

Oshogbo

Marriage is a very delicate institution and our action(s) or inaction(s) make or mar it. It is ideal to tell the truth in any relationship because keeping secrets does not augur well when it is uncovered. That she was unfaithful to you and had abortions was bad. I think you should forgive her and allow whatever she had done be erased off your mind. Also, you have to help her with this fertility issue because she needs you by her side in whatever treatments she will undergo.  The abortions may not be the reason for this childless state. Has any doctor told you so? Now that she has confessed, go ahead with whatever medical assistance you both need.

My parents want me married!

Dear Kemi,

I am 31 years and dating a man who loves me dearly. Lately, I have been under pressure from my parents who want me to be married. This guy has not proposed yet. What do I do?

A.L

Ibadan

Let them know you cannot force a man to marry you if he has not proposed. Meanwhile, don’t rush things with this man so that he does not see you as desperate. He could run away. If he loves you and you have the qualities he desires in a woman, he will propose to you. But before he does, behave well and don’t allow that pressure from home get you agitated.

She dates other men

Dear Kemi,

I am 28 years and I have been dating a lady for eight years. We both love each other dearly but she dates other men. She is from a broken home and believes those men will meet her needs. She has introduced me to her family and whenever we talk about this, she promises to change. What do I do?

J.O

Ogun State

If you continue dealing with this girl with kid’s gloves, she will soon start taking you to these men’s houses and refer to you as her brother. In fact, she will sleep with them with your knowledge and give an excuse that she is from a poor home. Eight years of courtship and she still behaves like this to you? She will continue even after marrying her because you have not taken your stand as a man. If you are employed, help her in whatever way you can and encourage her to also get a job or start trading. Being poor should not permit promiscuity.

He takes me to hotels

Dear Kemi,

I am dating a man and I really love him. I live in Lagos, while he is in Kaduna. Anytime he comes to Lagos, I lodge with him in a hotel because he does not want to rent a house. Anytime we discuss it, he would tell me he has a house in Kaduna. That place is far away and I am confused. I want to risk my relationship by refusing to see him in the hotel anytime he calls.

Linda,

Lagos

You both lack a sense of commitment to each other.  Has he asked you to marry him or does he use you to ‘cool off’ while in Lagos? Moreover, have you taken time to visit him in Kaduna? Did you see and lodge in the house he built? If I were you, I will suggest we get married and I relocate with him to Kaduna. Do this and watch how he reacts.

 I have had too many abortions

Dear Kemi,

I have been dating a man for many years and he had a child while in school. To me, that is no problem. I have been pregnant several times, had many abortions just because he does not want to have another child outside wedlock. Now, I have hormonal failure and I don’t think I will ever get married anymore.

J.A,

Lagos.

You have to stop seeing him. Stop having sex with him too. Any man, who does not want a child outside wedlock, marries the woman and they have children as married couple. I hope this hormonal failure can be rectified and you must seek treatment fast! What makes you think you can never get married? Is he the only man on earth? If he is not serious, leave him and seek a new relationship. Lastly, I think you should desist from sex now and preserve whatever is left in you. Experiencing infertility when you eventually get a good partner could ruin your joy in future.