BROKEN HEARTS CAN HEAL

Dear Kemi,

I slept with my wife’s maid

Three years ago, we had a 22-year-old maid, who I had sex with. This act broke my heart but I could not help it. Initially, I told my wife to send the girl away in order not to be attracted to her but she said she was sure nothing inappropriate would happen. Moreover, my wife complained that as a career woman, she was dependent on the maid and needed her to be at home. I did not confess that I had slept with the maid. One day, my wife's sister who was living with us, caught us in the act. She said nothing to her sister but left our house some months ago to get married. Last week, they quarrelled and she abused my wife with what I did with the maid. Now, our marriage is strained but the maid has since left our home. Please, what do I do?
Z.R
Lagos.

It is very irresponsible of a man who sleeps with his wife’s maid. It’s a slap on any woman and I’m sure your wife felt terrible to have heard from a sister, who probably must have told some other members of their family. You have to apologise to your wife and tell her all that happened between you and the maid. Be disciplined and embrace self-control. Luckily, the maid has left and didn’t get pregnant, so you can start on a new page with your wife. Moreover, she should learn never to ignore a husband’s complaints of a maid and his fear of temptation. No man is perfect.

Dear Kemi,

I’m on love probation

I am 36 and dating a 52-year-old man, who I met a few months ago. He is divorced, good-looking and very educated. He told me his intentions from the first day we met but I discovered that he makes telephone calls and I would hear him saying, ‘I love you.’ I got suspicious and confronted him but he confessed to have had a lover, who is an older woman. He said he preferred me because I am young, beautiful and romantic. He likes sex a lot and he told me that he wanted to observe me for one year before he marries me. We have been having unprotected sex and he has asked me not to look elsewhere. I don’t trust him and never been to his house uninvited.

C.C

Lagos

At 36, I am really amazed that you could subject yourself to cheap deceits from a womaniser. You think you are the only woman he tells all the sweet nothings? Or you think that the one year probation is going to end at the altar? I believe he just wants to add you to his harem. Get wiser now and stop having unprotected sex with him. You don’t go to his house uninvited; you don’t trust him because makes suspicious calls to other women, then, why are you still in the relationship? It’s dangerous and you could be a victim of Sexually Transmitted Diseases or HIV. What happens if you get pregnant? Or you want to have abortions at 36 when you have never been a mother? Even being a single parenthood is not too pleasant either. So, think well on this affair and make a very wise and fast decision.

Dear Kemi,

Now that he is born again

I have been dating a man for three years and we are in love with each other. Recently, he told me that he has become a born again Christian. Many things have changed between us—he changed my name on his handset, he would not say, ‘I love you’ after every conversation and he would not reply my calls. He has told me to stop wearing make-up and trousers. What do I do? I am afraid.

B.B

Lagos

I think you either abide with his new rules and lifestyle or call it quits. Issues of religion are delicate and should be wisely handled. If he is convinced that his  old ways with you are sinful and demands a change, maybe you should also see it from his point of view; that is if you are willing to forge ahead with the affair. But if you cannot cope, you better leave before you are frustrated.

My wife refuses sex

I married about six years ago and we don’t have children yet. Anytime I asked my wife for sex, she would refuse me. From January of this year till date, she has not allowed me to sleep with her. Could it be that she cannot be pregnant? What should I do because I need children and also want to enjoy sex as a married man. My religion does not allow me to engage in extra-marital affairs, I need help!

B.O

Lagos

I think it’s high time you invited either her parents or your spiritual head to intervene in this matter before your marriage crumbles. Like air to every living being, a marriage without adequate sex cannot last. What has been her excuse for refusing sex? If she wasn’t interested in satisfying the sexual demands of her husband, she needn’t have been married. You have proved to be a faithful husband but for how long can you hold on without sex? If you don’t act fast on this matter, you will start having extra-marital affairs and a love child can be born in the process. Go to her parents and intimate them on what has been happening.

She is a ‘runs’ girl

I am 22 years old and I have been dating a lady of the same age for two years now. When we started dating, she confessed she was a 'runs' girl because she needed money for her education. I decided to take responsibility of all her finances and even asked her to move into my apartment on campus. I paid her fees, fed and clothed her but I was broke after five months. She decided to seek funds from one of her old lovers. I was infuriated but forgave her. Last year, when I stopped buying her things, her sister took her to another man who just arrived from Brazil. I forgave her again. Though she hasn't done anything wrong yet, I don't feel comfortable with her around anymore. I don't even know how to opt out, I've grown to love her and she is my only friend and confidant. What do I do?

 O.O

Ogun State

 I’m sorry to inform you that she cannot stop this ‘runs’ business as long as you indulge her and make her feel you cannot do without her. She has done this over and again and you kept forgiving her. I’m sure she sees other men without your knowledge and if she graduates from school, she will not stop. Take a drastic step now and tell her if she is caught again, you are opting out. She is greedy and I don’t see you satisfying her in any way. You are a student without the wherewithal for all her vanities. Think very well before getting too serious with her.