Broken hearts can heal

Dear Kemi,

He wants me to impregnate his wife!

I am an undergraduate and I have a friend, who could not continue his education but went into business and now very successful. This man is six years older than me and happily married to a loving woman. He has helped me financially in and out of my academic career. Lately, he told me of an accident he had which made him infertile but all his family members are pointing fingers at the woman that she could not produce children. Unfortunately, he is an only child of his parents. He said he could not tell his parents and the wife about his infertility. He is now asking that I help him impregnate his wife. How would that be possible? I believe if I should tell his wife, the marriage would crash and my friend doesn’t want to lose his loving wife. But how do I tell my friend’s wife that I want to help her?

O.P,

Ibadan

Science has reached a level where a woman can get pregnant without sleeping with a man. This is called InVitro Fertilization (IVF). Tell your friend to search for one of the assisted reproductive clinics in Nigeria and allow his wife have an IVF, at least he is a businessman and can afford a decent way of having babies. Try and educate him on this and also tell him to reveal his secret to his wife and stop looking for a man to impregnate her. She need not be traumatised with the idea of sleeping with another man to have children for her husband. Don’t talk to her about it.

Dear Kemi,

My wife doesn’t trust me

 I am 33 and married to a 26-year-old woman.  She never trusts me and always says that I am cheating on her. There is no proof to her accusations and I must confess that I have never been with another woman since we got married

S.S

Lagos

Many reasons make a woman feel insecure in a marriage—infertility, hostile family members, spousal abuse, genuine proofs of infidelity and lots more. Since you have been faithful to her, you not only talk to her about this, start taking her out more often  to places you hang with friends and many family functions.  She would be happier; less tensed and realise that you are one of the few best husbands around.

Another woman has a baby for my husband

I have been married for 11 years but my marriage is crashing. We don’t have any baby yet and I understood that my husband has a child out of wedlock and the lady is even expecting her second baby now. I am confused, what do I do?

W.W.

Aba

Any woman in your state should remain calm and not attempt to fight her husband or his family members on this issue. This is not the time to be anxious or get tensed up because it could affect your hormonal balance. Visit your doctor often and continue your treatment but make sure your husband knows about it. He has to be carried along in all the moves you make to getting pregnant. You have to make him comfortable at home too by not nagging or quarrelling because there is another ‘home’ he could run to and leave you with your challenge. Meanwhile, I think you should talk about what you have heard about another woman and a child.

My husband has abandoned me

My husband is in the United Kingdom and I have been living with my mother-in-law for over 10 years with two children in a room apartment. I don’t want to relate what I have passed through there. Anytime I asked my husband for money to get a new apartment, he would not agree but would tell me to be patient. Unfortunately, I am a housewife with no job and I depend on whatsoever he sends monthly. He is not ready to do anything for me but he bought a car for his mother. If I find someone who is ready to do what I need, do I go for him? Or do I remain patient still?

N.B

Lagos

Obviously, he dances to his mother’s tune and you would remain in that place if you don’t take steps. First, you need to start trading and make money on your own. Your total dependence on ‘tokunbo’ allowance is the cause of your suffering. By the time you generate income, you are able to rent an apartment and your husband will know that you are serious. Then, he would be jolted to reality and you can make request for whatever you want without his mother’s interference. Are you implying that other men want you and ready to do what your husband has not been doing? I believe as long as you are married to him, you cannot sleep with another man. You have been patient for 10 years; don’t allow infidelity chase you out. If I were you, I would face my business and make a meaning for my life and that of my kids.

My wife loves parties

Ten years ago, I got married to a lady, who hid her age from me. I also discovered that she is the party type but I did everything to make the marriage work even when it didn’t produce a child. Do I leave or what stay? Please advise.

A.B

Lagos

I could imagine your frustrations but I sensed that you never knew her but rushed into the marriage for reasons best known to the two of you. Among all the steps taken, did you make her realise that her actions could break the home and cause a separation and then, divorce? Is she really keen about staying in the marriage? What are her parents saying concerning this? Do you both have kids now because you mentioned there was no child in the marriage? You have to think about all these and know the side effect if you want to take a walk out of the union. Unfortunately, I am not opportune to speak to your wife because she will also have her side of the story. But a journey of ten years should have resolved problems like partying and all sorts of vices.