LOVE MATTERS

Dear Kemi,

Two women want me

I am 26 years and five years ago, I met a girl whom I started dating before she gained admission into the university three years ago. I am based in Lagos but she went to Calabar for her studies. Since then, there had been a break in communication. She changed her phone number and I was unable to reach her, although she had mine, she didn’t call. Then, I met another girl whom I’m currently dating. Now, my Calabar girl is calling me, saying she wants to come back and that she still loves me, she also told me about a man she dated while she was away, but now has called it quits with him. I told the two women what was happening but my new girlfriend is not happy about it because she thinks she would lose me to the Calabar lady. I am very confused because the two girls want marriage and I have to make a choice. I’ve thought of going back to the first girl because I prefer her family background. Though both ladies are from poor families, I don’t really like my new girl’s family because they are very diabolical. I said this because her elder sister asked her to bring my picture to know if I’m her husband! Meanwhile, the Calabar girl is the only child of the family and they are Christians, but I’m not too close to them. Do you think I’m doing the right thing?
D.O

Lagos.
If you believe your new girlfriend is not who you want as a life partner, simply refuse giving her your picture to take to her sister for whatever purpose they need it. But you have to be careful with your Calabar girl. Apparently, she left you for another man and must have returned when she was jilted. Are you sure of her sincerity? I’m sure you were not able to get her out of your mind and just used the new girl to soothe your frayed nerve. Now, you are saying she comes from a diabolic family. What makes you think that your Calabar would-be in-laws are not pretending to be Christians? You have to make use of your heart and head in this matter.

Dear Kemi,

Should I be second wife?

I am 30 years old but single. For over a year now, I have been dating a married man, who has a child. He has been catering for my needs and even my family. He showers me with gifts and I truly love him. Now, I am under pressure to get married but the problem is that no suitor is coming. I have had several broken relationships in the past but this man once took me to his village to meet his mother. Though, no formal introduction yet, he promised to see my family members very soon. They are also of the opinion that if he could rent a two-bedroom apartment for me, then he is more capable of running a polygamous home. They are asking that I bring him home for proper introduction. Or do I call off the affair for intending suitors to come? Frankly speaking, I don’t want to lose him. Some of my friends said I could be mocked for being a second wife, others said I should shun the idea but what should I do?

Can a bachelor come to me one day?

L.P,

Abuja.

I perceive that you have made up your mind to marry this man, especially with your family members prodding you on! Even if he can afford to keep two homes, you should know that marriage entails more than money. What are his reasons for wanting another wife? What kind of mother does he have? What transpires in his home to make him opt for another wife? You need to know all these because you could also face whatever his first wife faces currently. If you are ready to be a second wife, you should know that more women, who will also go to see his mother, are coming! To me, polygamy is not fanciful, no matter the money involved. Maybe some suitors are coming but you are so committed to this affair and what it offers you that you don’t even know when the right suitor comes. Dating a married man and trying to get a young bachelor to marry is Herculean, especially when the married man is comfortable enough to rent you an apartment. Already, your people have decided for you and obviously, you want to have ‘Mr. Available’. Think very well because not all that glitters is gold after all!

Dear Kemi,

I want to leave my husband

Recently, my mother-in-law came to tell me about my husband getting married to another woman outside. She also revealed that this other woman is pregnant. She now gave me two conditions— its either I remain patient and stay put or fight and leave if I am not satisfied. What have I done to deserve this? I want my husband to tell me what I have done to deserve this before I leave with my four kids.

L.LN,

Lagos

So, where do you want to go to with four children? How do you explain to them that ‘grandma said a mistress got pregnant for daddy and we are leaving our home?’ I don’t see any sense in packing out of your established home because of what has not been established, even if it has, you have to stay put. You married him before an intruder came. Moreover, when things turn this way, putting on a fight does not solve anything. First, tell your husband what his mother told you and verify that another woman is pregnant for him. Then, call your parents and inform them too. I am sure they will they will instruct you on what to do next. Please exercise patience as everything unfolds because I see your mother-in-law’s hands behind it all.

Dear Kemi,

He says I’m a flirt

I met the guy I’m dating now at a hair-dressing salon. We became best of friends and after five months, he asked me out. We have been dating but I can’t explain what came over him lately. Last month, he told me that I was seen in a hotel in Lagos and that his friends saw me with some big men in town. I’ve tried convincing him that it was a lie but all my pleas have fallen on deaf ears. He even told me to stop flirting around with my grandfathers! Though he has not called off the relationship, I really love him and I don’t want to lose him. What do I do?
O.A,
Aba
I think there are two reasons why he suspects you are unfaithful to him. First, he could have seen you with some men, and could have hurriedly concluded they were your lovers. Secondly, his friends could have told him stories about you. Sometimes, friends do this out of envy in order for him to leave you and date a girl of their choice. Since you have said that you are innocent of whatever he had accused you of, I think you should continue with your plea. Don’t be tired and always be transparent with him. Discard activities don’t could make him suspicious too.