JUST SINGLES

HOW LONG DO I COURT FOR?

Martha was in a fix. Having dated Steve for seven months, they agreed on a solemn registry wedding. Though her parents were in agreement because she clocked 32 as at her last birthday, Steve father wanted the wedding plans postponed. His reasons? They should have courted two years, discovered their likes/dislikes and understood each other well.

"But we knew ourselves inside out. I’ve spent many weekends at Steve’s place; we quarreled, settled scores and now understood each other. What is the big deal about knowing each other well before marriage, anyway? We begged the old man and assured him of our love for each other. We had decided not to tell him that I was expecting Steve’s baby! So, when his father said we could wait for seven more months, I knew that I would have passed my third trimester! That would infuriate him more and even sanction us to a five-year courtship before marriage. I was getting agitated but Steve begged me to be patient with his father, who was an Anglican priest. We wanted a registry wedding because of the pregnancy and needed to speed things up because we had planned to hide this from everyone,” she said.

“Ahmed Met Monica through the internet and they became close. They chatted for two months before he decided meeting her one-on-one. “I liked what I saw and we started dating. Really, I never proposed to her but we both knew this could lead to the altar. What actually convinced me that Monica was God-sent was my recent employment. I was jobless before meeting her and had many disappointments from ladies. Two weeks after we met, I was summoned for an interview in a firm where I had applied two years ago! I got the job with fringe benefits of a car coupled with accommodation. In fact, I proposed to her on my way from the interview venue! So imagine how I felt when my sister said that I needed time to know Monica more, for at least, one year. What else do I need to know? This girl had brought me fortune! But my sister was able to convince my mother and they advised that I took time to know her character, background and many more because women are pretenders! This is our fourth month of courtship and I’ve told Monica that by end of June, I’m putting down our names at the registry. Already, I’ve met her parents, siblings and some friends. I’m sure she is the kind of woman I want. I don’t care about this archaic method of dating.”

TIPS FOR COURTSHIP

Though there is no stipulated period for courtship, there is need for two persons planning to marry to know each other beyond doubts before marriage. That a man/woman is ‘sweet’, pleasant and had heralded fortunes into your life do not make him/her your perfect mate. 

• Choosing your life partner means a thorough investigation of personality, traits/character, family background and past affairs. The sizzling passion that characterizes courtship has blinded so many singles that they rushed to the altar and in a short time, had broken marriages. 
• That you are sexually compatible does not make you perfect for each other. Know yourselves, know family lineage and in a setting like Africa, you cannot avoid ‘prayer consultations/prophesies’ because not a few families believe strongly in these. Never be foolishly in love to avoid ‘investigations’ before saying ‘I do’.