MAKE MARRIAGE WORK

For a lasting union...

There are no guaranteed ingredients for a lasting marriage. However, couples whose marriages are successful can proffer advice on how to make it work

Don’t bother changing your spouse

In many marriages, the focus is always on how to change a partner. This is something you can’t control. But when you change the things you don’t like about yourself, you take charge of your life as well as the union.

Israel:   We all have an idea that our partners should be that character in the bible; we see in others or watch in the movies.  If this is the focus, our partners will not meet up and then there will be crises. It took me this long to know that the best way to approach marriage is through the willingness to love and serve the other person and not the other way round. You really cannot control how others love or react to you but you can control how you react to others.”

—Israel Abiara, a gospel artiste/pastor, has been married to Tayo for 12 years

Give room for quarrels but...

When you have times of disagreement, could it really be a time to grow closer? Or a time to understand more about your spouse? When you feel your partner is pulling away, maybe it’s an opportunity to engage him/her in a better way.

Tunde: We don’t quarrel but we disagree. We devised a process, where we don’t use abusive words when we disagree. There are no shouts and each person makes their point known as if you are in a boardroom. We normally agree at the end of the day. Our disagreement has never got out of hands and nobody has seen us quarrel, not even our children.”

—Tunde Obe, a musician, has been married to Wunmi for over 15 years

Run with each other’s vision

Dreams shared together before marriage can become successful when both partners give support. Embrace each other’s vision.

 Abimbola: We started as friends and shared each other’s vision. Before we got married, I told her about my political dreams and that also endeared me to her father because he was a politician. If there is any problem between us and any of us is angry, by the end of the day, we would accept our faults and forget about everything.”

—Abimbola Kolade, Oyo State Commissioner for Lands and Housing, has been married to Sandra for 15 years

Grow together

Marriage is about two people growing up and becoming better humans. Let every level of success/failure be a time of growth.

Zik: When we got married, she even had to act in my own film and sometimes supported me by providing costumes. She was there to see to the welfare of the cast and crew. We were always together even till date. She is a public relations consultant and still does some things for my company.”

—Zik Zulu-Okafor, Nollywood producer, has been married to Adora for 15 years

Be each other’s friends
 Being friends with your spouse holds as much weight as the romantic and physical attraction. According to www.huffingtonpost.com, for a marriage to last, couples should be each other’s best friends. When sex loses appeal and physical appearance fades away, friendship will last a lifetime.

Sunday: We are each other’s friends. If we are not working on the same set, and I feel she has spent so much time on set or I am missing her, then I can visit to see my wife. She also comes to locations to visit me when I am working.

—Sunday Adewale, actor/producer, has been married to Toyin for 21 years

Admit when you are wrong

 Many fights can be ended once you admit a wrong instead of stubbornly holding any ground long after you both realise arguments make no sense.

Aimua: We disagree when the time is right, probably when the kids have gone to bed or when we are alone. We talk issues over and they are resolved. Sometimes, when he offends me, he buys me gifts and nobody gets to know.

—Aimua Imasuen has been married to Lancelot, Nollywood producer, for seven years