Broken Hearts Can Heal

 Dear Kemi,

 I’m a pastor but loves sex!

I am a 40-year-old and my wife is 34 years. We have been married for about 12 years with three kids. The problem is that she does not satisfy me sexually and this has made me patronise other women for sex. I am a pastor but in the last four years, I have had to sleep with two different ladies to satisfy my sexual urges. My wife’s attitude is bad—she would not cook on time; she is dirty and never makes any move to ask for sex. She only agrees whenever she senses that I am angry. I love her but how do I address this issue? I want to have her in bed every day because I have stopped all extra-marital affairs since the year began. I had already confessed to her and other co-pastors and I was forgiven. There are times I want to go back to my old girlfriends due to loneliness. What do I do? I have reported her to her family members and my pastors but to no avail. What do I do?

M.I,

Ibadan

As a pastor, you are supposed to serve as an example in good works which include taming the flesh. This is an issue you must address physically and spiritually. If you don’t face your marriage and work things out with your wife, it can collapse and that will affect your ministry. Carry your wife along in mapping out the best time for sex because it cannot be convenient for a mother of three children, who also takes care of the home, to have sex daily. That means you also have to learn how to curb your sexual urges. You can be more involved in spiritual activities— prayers, fasting and a thorough study of the word of God— will help take your mind off sex for a period of time. Lastly, I think your wife also got some things wrong in her walk with God as a pastor’s wife. The two of you need a re-alignment with God and his instruction on marriage and sex.

Dear Kemi,

 I want her by all means!

I am in my 30s and dating a lady who had a baby for me. We have been together for five years but my mother is against our plans for marriage. According to my mother, her pastor had revealed that I will die prematurely if I do. But I love this girl and confused on what to do.

A.Y

Lagos

If I were you, I would also approach my pastor or a neutral pastor and make enquiries on what God has in store for me concerning the woman I love and want to marry. That is when you can really take a decision.

Dear Kemi,

I can’t speak good English

I am 28 and about to graduate; yet I can’t express myself in English or write a simple letter. Not that I am not making any effort, but each time I open my mouth, I make terrible mistakes! It gives me sleepless nights and I don’t know what my future looks like.

L.L

Lagos

 Then build up your self confidence and discard any feel of inferiority complex. You can improve on your use of the English language by reading more educative materials, watching useful TV programmes and going through the dictionary. Who are your friends? If they are more educated than you, let them know your problem and speak more of English language to them than your local dialect. This way, they will correct some of your mistakes and you will improve daily. You can also get one of your intelligent course-mates to help as a private teacher and give him a token. Be determined to make a change.

Dear Kemi,

My husband’s family controls him

I am married to a man, who acts on whatever advice his family members proffer to him. Unfortunately, the marriage has not produced any child. I have been to different doctors, yet, no change. Recently, I had a spiritual revelation that he has a love child due to pressure from his family. I was told it happened two years ago and he has not set eyes on the child but he sends money for the upkeep. When I asked him, he threatened killing me. He even said he would ask his family to throw my things now. What do I do?

O.O

Ibadan

Then, be as patient. Whenever a man is under such an influence, you don’t nag, fight or quarrel with him; rather, you exercise patience and don’t put up any act whenever any of his family members are around. Let them think you are foolish and stop talking about the love child. What would you have done if they had compelled him to marry her and allow her live in your home? A woman in a childless marriage, who still wants to stay with her spouse, does not fight. Rather, she should try all her best possible to be at peace with her husband and address her infertility from every angles.

Dear Kemi,

My girlfriend is a flirt
I’m 26 years old, and I date a lady I love wholeheartedly. Though she is a single mother before I met her, anytime she offends me, I would beg her and she would threaten to dump me, after which she comes begging me too. She is promiscuous. Recently, I asked her about the men in her life and she told me that they haven’t slept with her but she was just comfortable being with them. I had committed some mistakes in the past, could my past be haunting me? Imagine my girlfriend saying she likes someone else but she loves me. Every of her family member knows me very well, and I give her what I can’t even afford to eat. I am dying.
M.P
Ibadan
Have you taken time to discover how she became a single parent? Or how she treats men who dated her before you came to her life? These are considerations before going neck-deep in a relationship, especially, if she is a single mother. Why suffer because you are in love? You give her what you can’t afford to eat? That is slavery and I don’t like the way she treats you. How can she tell you she loves you but likes another guy? I’m sure she is out to suck you and when she is through, she will dump you! Now, you said you are dying! Why not opt out before you become her toy? Act fast! This is not a matter of your past haunting you, let the past be and move ahead.